Saturday, December 16, 2006
*WARNING. LONG POST*
i'm bored maaaaaa =D
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heard about the jc guy who suicided just cause his *ahem* too small.
imagine a suicide note from him to his mom.
probably goes like this:
dear mum,
i know i have been a source of disgrace to the family since the day i was born.
i often hear granny bitch about how the doctors and nurses took one look at my penis when i was just born,
and almost died laughing.
i still remember the way the boys in school cornered me and took turns to point and laugh at my teeny weeny penis.
it is also a bane to me as i have a problem peeing.
dear mum, imagine having to pee thru a pencil like penis.
the process is slow and torturing.
And you know what's the worst thing about having a pencil-thin dick?
The sex. And I'm not just talking about making my girlfriend happy.
Wait. In fact I DID.
Just the other night,we were about to.... you know... get it on... fuck and stuff.
And guess what happened?
When she saw my penis,she laughed so damn hard that she rolled off the bed and hit her head on the floor.
That's just great isn't it.
Of course, now she's a retard from that head-banging incident which,
by the way,was the only banging that went on that night.
dear mum, remember the time you brought me to that bogus chinese physician.
we didnt know better and after consuming, i couldn't pee for three straight days.
there was pee running out of my ears and nose.
It sucks too when i'm over at my friends place watching porn, we all start to erect.
they get big big bumps and mine looks like a freaking chopstick.
its damn embarassing mum, it is.
it is apparent that i have no reason to live on.
i would like to apologise for absence of me and my teeny weeny penis for the rest of your life.
i would also like to show my appreciation for what you did the last time you brought me to the medical check up.
i know mum, i know. you bribed the doctor didnt you?
i just know it!
you paid out of my piggy bank, to make him tell me that the size of my penis was just fine.
it didnt work mom, it didnt work.
when you went to pay at the counter, i went back to the doctor's to retreive the wallet i left there.
then i heard the doctor laughing to his nurse at the size of my dick.
mom, i was so heartbroken.
do you understand why i misplaced that wallet now?
oh mom, i really have to go now.
pls do not mourn for me, or my penis.
and please take care of my retarded girlfriend for me.
after all, it is because of my teeny weeny penis that she has come to this state.
so there,gtg.
love from,
me and my absurdly small penis.
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Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her,
took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good''
and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?''
But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,''
and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?''
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted,
''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''
The Teacher fainted.
ps: sorry no offense to christian friends
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A preacher wanted to raise money for his church
and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing,
decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction,
the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races.
To his surprise, the donkey came in third!
The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS.
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again,
and this time it won.
The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.
The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey.
The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey,
so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.
The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey,
lead it to the plains, and let it go.
Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
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FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY.
its from my friend's blog. real funny. gahh.
i'm bored. what to do?
lalala.
i wish i am rich leh.
like FILTHY RICH.
buaahha.
then i'll live in some big big house.
nice nice interior.
decorated my WAY. my STYLE.
WHAT?
i'm in interior architecture aint i?
=D
and i will have BUTLERS
waaa.
1st rich ass to have butlers HOR.
must be handsome one.
hold auditions for my butlers and servants.
only shuai ges allow.
no pretty girls.
they steal my attention.
LOL.
I SHALL WEAR ONLY DESIGNER GOODS.
no la jk.
not all designer stuffs nice leh.
buahahaha.
my porch...
shall park my....
LAMBORGHINI.
WAHAHAHA.
i shall have 3.
why cause 3 my favourite no.
okay random.
one black. one blue. one yellow/white.
WAY COOL.
=D
then i have all the boys fawning over me.
cause i'm
fuckingfreaking rich.
BUAHAHAHA.
people will KISS the ground i walk.
chey.
machiam queen.
when i walk my bodyguards will throw ROSE PETALS.
HAHAAHAH.
okay i think too much.
=D
one lamborghini in my entire life can already..
HA HA HA.
me_________`e-leen *
2:53 PM
